physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
