Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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