I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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