he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
