There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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