you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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