It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
