so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
