dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
