After last night, I could never be a politician.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
