Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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