my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
