she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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