it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
