You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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