Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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