Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
