I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
