Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
