I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just pee around me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
