Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
