If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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