i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
