I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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