5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
