; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just tell him i said nine months
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They have beer where we have blood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
