he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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