they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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