i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
