My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
