my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
