Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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