Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
