I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
