I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
