What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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