Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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