Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Randomize
