Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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