I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
