so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
