I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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