69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
