So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
