you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
