Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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