3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's never too late to be topless.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
