I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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