I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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