Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
